Technology and Togetherness

Winter has come early to southern Africa this year, and we were unprepared. We do not have enough warm clothing. We are living in a concrete house with tile floors and no built-in source of heat. Fifty degrees Fahrenheit (10 Celsius) is not bad when one is doing

hard manual labour, but it is hard to study or write at that temperature.

Last week we purchased a heater that functions on bottled gas. While sitting around that heater, or maybe it was while washing dishes, I began to reflect on the effect that technology has had on family togetherness.

The wood (or coal) stove days

Ninety years ago, when my father would have been one year old, the whole family would have been gathered around the coal stove every winter evening. No one would have gone off to his own room, because there was no heat in the bedrooms. Supper was eaten together and after supper the family stayed together. Grandpa, Grandma, Mother, Aunt Gail, Cousin Vaughn all gathered around the only source of heat in the house.

Now I am not condemning central heat. If I ever return to North America, I will want to have central heat in my house. But I am pointing out that there is one overlooked disadvantage of central heat. It makes it easier for a family to drift apart. Rising divorce rates in Western society have been blamed on many factors (and rightfully so). I am not suggesting that central heating is a major factor, but it might be a factor.

What might we do?

My family was blessed, in a left-handed way, that the heating in our house was a bit uneven. We had hot-water heat, and it did not heat the upstairs bedrooms nearly as well as it heated the main floor. Maybe, if I ever return to North America, I will look for another house like that. Beyond that, just being aware of the tendency, and trying to deliberately overcome it, might be a better path.

The kitchen sink

I know that you may find this shocking, but my parents never owned a dishwasher. Furthermore, neither do we. In our house, dishes are washed the old-fashioned way. We prefer a double sink. One side has hot soapy water for washing. The other side is used for rinsing. When the boys were at home, they did a lot of the dishwashing (just as Chery and I, and our siblings) did it while we were growing up. Now we are empty-nesters. Chery generally washes and I do the rinsing. We switch off sometimes. And, if I am busy with a writing project (like right now), she does the washing alone. But not having a dishwasher brings us together at least 10 or 12 times per week.

While washing dishes, we talk over the day and make plans for the next. Sometimes we joke and laugh. Occasionally we might disagree about something. But we are together, not each off in a separate world.

Televisions, computers, phones

My father-in-law was acquainted with Philo Farnsworth, the inventor of the television. Royce tells me that Mr. Farnsworth had great hopes for the educational value of his invention. But one must remember that there is such a thing as miseducation. All television is educational television. Unfortunately, television has long been miseducating people to accept and even embrace immorality, dishonesty and perversion. Philo Farnsworth died a disappointed man. He died disappointed even though he did not live to see the day when each member of the family would have their own screen in their own room or even in their own pocket.

Think what a difference that makes!

As a boy, I watched television with my parents, grandparents and siblings. We watched more than we should have and watched things I now wish that we had not watched, but we did it together. We had a chance to talk over what we saw. We did not talk it over as much as we should have, but there was some filtering and discussion. That is rarely, if ever, happening in 2021. Children may be watching utter filth on their “smart phones” (otherwise known as “dumbing devices”). But even if what they watch is not morally degrading, they are watching what they watch, or doing what they do, alone. They are cut off from other generations and other points of view.

This trend is not limited to Western society. When we lived in southern Africa before (2000-2003) we would often take a group of students with us when we drove to town, especially on Sundays. There were two things that happened on these journeys. Sometimes we would talk with the students and get to know them. Most of them were eager to tell us about their homes and families. Most wanted to know about our family as well. If we did not talk, we sang. Songs of praise often continued throughout our journey.

When we returned to visit a few years later, all of that had stopped. No songs were sung while driving to town. If we asked a student about their home they answered with a monosyllable, and then went back to texting someone on their phone. All sense of community with the people in the vehicle was gone. All desire to worship together had disappeared. What mattered now was word-bytes being exchanged with someone who was not with us.

No doubt, this technology allows us to have a relationship of sorts with a lot more people. We have exchanged depth for breadth. Shallow relationships with many have rooted out the possibility of having a deep and meaningful relationship with any.

Here in southern Africa, we have been forced to purchase a “smart phone.” The government virtually requires it. The government will not accept cash payments (too much temptation to government employees). Payments to the government must be made by means of “mobile money” sent from the phone.

I cannot use those things.[1] I try to phone Sydney Mhango and end up phoning Sydney, Australia. So Chery carries the phone and handles the banking. We have been forced to make some use of this dumbing device, but we are not going to let it rule our lives. I still prefer face to face conversation to phone calls or text messages. I still prefer depth of relationship to breadth of relationships.

We need to teach our children (and perhaps ourselves) the truth of the proverb,

“A man of many companions may come to ruin, but there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother” (Proverbs 18:24, ESV).

Let us seek closer relationships. If it means changing how we use technology, so be it. But I need to close this now. The heater needs fuel.[2]

[1] And we have a new theory as to why. It also happens to be extremely difficult to get my finger-prints. Both in the States and here it has taken multiple attempts before my fingerprints would register on the electronic equipment. I have a lower-than-average normal temperature. Perhaps that is why my finger touching a touchscreen does not work normally. [2] One further note, Naomi S. Baron is one professor who is not thrilled about the increasing use of technology to make distance education a reality. Her research indicates that students who use traditional books actually learn significantly more than those whose learning is mostly electronic. More research is needed, but undoubtedly the electronic education bandwagon is running way too fast. It is far ahead of the evidence for its effectiveness. Have a look at one of her books, such as How We Read Now or Words Onscreen.